Nice Speedos, Sarge

The news buzzing around the Greek newspapers and info sites at the moment is all to do with holiday-wear. The headline at Keep Talking Greece, for example, reads: “Economic police in shorts and swimsuits to combat tax evasion on Greek islands.”

Now then, I think we’re talking about those who police the economy, rather than low-cost men in blue, but they are, it seems, called ‘economic police’, so that’s fair enough. I have nothing against men in uniform, far from it, and the thought of a policeman in a swimsuit, well now, there’s a thing. ‘Carry On’ jokes about truncheons come to mind, and I won’t mention helmets, but I do wonder where they will keep their warrant cards. Perhaps they will be going for the shorts look, as suggested in the article.  Read the full article here.

It does make me wonder what the scene would be in the British Police Force should the same kind of measures ever be taken. I assume it’s still called a ‘force’ is it? It hasn’t become all PC and right-on and changed its name to ‘The Citizen Assistant Service’ or something naff like that has it? Let’s say a new department is set up, The TE Squad, that’s tax evasion to you and me…

The top brass comes in wearing flip-flops, a dayglo lime t-shirt and some startlingly revealing Speedos…

‘Right lads, today we’re targeting Bournemouth. PC Stander, PC Mullins, I want you in La Perla Sunlight swimshorts all day. None of that nipping off to get changed into your sarongs. We’re not the bloomin’ Fraud Squad.’

‘Yes, Sarge.’

‘WPCs Paggly and Racey, the Dolce and Gabbana is working, but you still need to bring out the, er, upper storey. Maybe get some cleavage shine. PC Williams can lend you his.’

‘Yes, Sarge.’

‘No, no, Fletcher, this ain’t Baywatch! We are the British Tax Evasion Squad. We don’t wear orange one-piece bathing costumes that push out the boobs like that and shape us into a very obvious V pointing down to your, you know, whistle. We’re Brits, and you’re a bloke, so you shouldn’t be wearing a woman’s one-piece in the first place. Oh, sorry. Yes, of course I respect your right to wear women’s clothing. Hell, we’ve lived it with at the station for long enough. (Aside: Dorothy Perkins, more like.) Alright, you can wear it. But shave before you go out.’

‘Yes, Sarge.’

‘Now then, the chippie on the prom. Been dodging tax for years, now’s our chance to nab ’em. It’s gonna be a sting. Hang on. Where’s the rookie? PC Gunman?’

‘Yes, Sarge?’

‘Hate to say it, lad, but you’re getting a bit too big for your boots. That is, you’re getting too big for your Boots’ Summer-thong line with minimal pouch. Want to find something baggy? What? (Listens.) Yeah, I’ve seen what the Greeks are doing, but this is Bournemouth, not Mykonos.’

‘Right, Sarge.’

‘Chip shop, yeah. Stander, Mullins? You’ll be on topless patrol so watch out for hot fat. PC Stabbings? You’re too fat for Versace. They’ll smell a rat a mile off. We have to blend in people! Questions?’

He listens to a few.

‘Right, Mullins. No, flippers and a mask is not a subtle disguise. You’re kind of missing the point of the blending in, ain’t you? Stabbings? Yes, look normal. You’re a dad on a day out at the beach, the kids are waiting, and you’re bringing the stuff from the car when you want a tea at the café. That’s it. Simple. Go see Smith in props for your pushchair, three beach bags, four ice creams, a pack of baby wipes, the picknick hamper, five towels and the sandwich toaster, alright? Look natural. And, lastly, Gunman, what was it? Oh yeah. No need to accessorise. You’re not really going to the beach. You’re going to catch tax evaders. Got it? Yes, what is it, Mullins?’ (He listens.) ‘Mullins, I would love to tell you where to stick your warrant card, but you’ll just have to improvise. Okay? For *$&@’s sake, PC Studly! This ain’t Brighton, put some bleedin’ clothes on. Thank you. Right. Everyone got sunblock on? Yes, I know it’s Bournemouth, Paggly, but stranger things have happened. Right, now who’s gonna do my back?’

And so on. But, seriously, police in disguise is the way it’s going. It will worry black-market businesses into declaring taxable income for the good of the country.

Ps, if you like a comedy read, don’t forget to pick up a copy of my comedy novel, ‘Remotely’ right here.

Catching up on news over the weekend

We have had a few people asking how they can get hold of tickets for the world premiere of the film, ‘The 13^th’ that was shot on Symi and which is showing on Monday 15^th May. Basically, you need to contact the box office which you can do online; you order tickets from there. http://www.londongreekfilmfestival.com/boxoffice.htm

Some Greek newspapers and online media have picked up on the story of the film. There’s an article here, for example, with a few shots from the film including some local stars. Click here.

The Symi under 11s football team has made it through to the final of the championships this week. As you may have read before, they, and the under 12s team are heading off to the UK towards the end of the month to take part in an international football tournament at Camber Sands, East Sussex. We wish them good luck for this week’s final, and for the tournament too. I have sent a piece to the local paper (Romney Marsh) to drum up some support.

The release of ‘The Saddling’ has gone well, and it’s already gained its first review. “Wow, another fascinating thriller from James. Gripping storyline full of intrigue and danger.” Great stuff. Don’t forget to share that link, and write a review if you liked it, and tell everyone to buy a copy; it’s on Kindle as well as in paperback.

There has been a lot of music playing around the village; at the Secret Garden, at Georgio’s taverna, and on Saturday night, at Lefteris Kafeneion where George had set up his mic and guitar. Both tavernas are open now, we went to Zoi’s on Saturday, and very nice it was too. One of the dance schools had its performance in the new sports hall on Sunday. The bars and cafés are all open now too.

Vague shipping news: More boats are appearing in the harbour as the season begins. There may be a seaman’s strike on Wednesday so check your travel arrangements. I don’t think the ‘Spanos’ boats will be affected if there is. They are not usually, and the Dodekanisos boats should be running. There have been reports of people swimming, so the sea is warming up. The Poseidon has been going out on around the island trips as long as there are enough people interested in going.

And close to home, Jack the Alarm cat has been out and about in the ‘hood, had a couple of good scraps, is nursing a limp (no sign of anything nasty, probably strained it giving a right hook) and is otherwise fine. Thank you to everyone who enquires after him. 14 years old and still going noisily. Neil is off to Rhodes on Friday and thence to England to sit his exam and attend the film premiere (on the same day, in two different parts of the country), which means I will be covering the bar for ten days while he is away. And that’s all the weekend news I can think of.

Symi Saturday Photos

Continuing my recent tradition of posting more photos that words, here are some for your Saturday collection. I’ve been a bit brief with words over the last couple of days as things have been a bit busy what with book launches and film festivals, but I am very pleased to report that ‘The Saddling’ has already had a review on Amazon and it’s a five-star review. Thank you for whoever it was that posted, “Wow another fascinating thriller from James. Gripping storyline full of intrigue and danger.” Find your copy here: The Saddling.

 Now here are some random Symi photos. Have a good weekend!

A few photos today

A few more photos today. I am in a bit of a hurry, lots to do. You know how it is, you get up at six and start work at ten past, and the next thing you know it’s midday and the cat litter needs cleaning out. Well, it’s one of those days. But, very quickly:

In village news, Taverna Zoi is now open for dinner and maybe lunch, and The Olive Tree is also open for breakfast and lunch until 15.30 each day.

And, for those who want the print copy of the new novel, ‘The Saddling’ just click there and you will get to the page.

All inclusive (apart from the brains)

Monday was a bank holiday. I spent a day at home working, writing, doing some odd jobs, watching the view, and getting some washing done in the super-fast new washing machine.

Tuesday started with an alarm at 6.00, a short walk up to the ‘Mousecastle’ (I’ll take my camera next time) and back, some work and some browsing around trying to find an idea for the blog. Then I came across an article that two of my blogging friends had picked up on. The news came from Fonier.gr, a site I’d not found before. The article starts: “A British couple were in the Old Town of Rhodes in a taverna, in the belief that they could eat and drink whatever they wanted, without paying, because……they had booked an all-inclusive holiday package!!”

It’s mildly amusing, except that it is not. As that short article goes on to point out, this isn’t the first time something like this has happened, and the ‘all inclusive’ deal is killing smaller business. It looks like it’s spreading beyond the package hotels and stalag-style resorts. So, here’s a gentle reminder: If you are on an all-inclusive holiday, a) it only relates to your resort, b) get out of it and see the island around you, there’s more to Greece than free beer and a swimming pool/pissoir, and c) if you like the country, help the local businesses by venturing into them and using them. I know, many people do the dreaded all-in because of the cost and with a large family to feed and water they are cost effective, but if you can, do try and support small local business. You will be, after all, not just putting your money into a huge conglomerate but helping a family feed its own children and pay its own bills, the tax from which will stay in the country and help out everyone else.

Thanks to my two blogging mates for highlighting this horror story. Amanda has her Rhodes based blog, Olive, Feta and Ouzo with great pics and posts about life in Greece, recipes and other handy things, and Rebecca has Life Beyond Borders where she talks about travels as a professional travel blogger and Rough Guide reviewer (Dodecanese islands) and traveller. Rebecca is also the author of ‘Girl Gone Greek.’

And back to the desk, from where I have just seen the ‘Ocean Victory’ hanging about out in the bay. This is a 140m long Fincanteri super yacht belonging to Viktor Rashnikov, a Russian businessman ranked 407^th richest man in the world (Forbes, 2016). The yacht is the 10^th largest in the world. I bet that’s all inclusive and I wonder if they will come ashore and spend some of their wealth in some small Symi businesses.