Hungry Hippo bank style
Well, that didn’t go according to plan, and it’s a plan that’s been in the making for a while now and now it’s… well, it’s recoverable but still a real pain in the kolo, pardon my Greek.

Neil is off to Rhodes on Wednesday to pick up his new pairs of glasses, much needed as he is now at the stage of bumping into walls and saying ‘Good morning, madam,’ to the local priests. So, off we trot to Yialos to do a few odd jobs and take some money out of the ATM. Except the money didn’t come out of the machine; it said, ‘please remove your card to complete the transaction’ and we could hear the mechanism working and the things whirring around inside…. But no card came back out. Cancel. Nothing. Wait and listen… nothing. Eventually it said he’d run out of time to complete the transaction and please take your card… nothing. So, slightly worried (I knew where this was going to go) Neil went inside the bank and told them what had happened. The card had money on it, it wasn’t out of date, he hadn’t entered the wrong pin three times or anything like that, it was exactly the same kind of transaction as he’d done a few days ago, etc., etc.

The teller in the bank was very helpful, went to the machine, retrieved the stuck card and brought it back to the desk. But, unfortunately, the bank was unable to hand the card back to him even though he was two feet away from it, they know him (he probably photographed their child’s baptism, or their wedding, or at least their ID cards) and even though he’s been using the bank for around 14 years now. It’s not allowed for the folk at the bank to hand the cards back that the machine swallows. Understandable in some situations and I’m all for security and all that, but how many Neil Goslings are there using this machine who look like him and are, in fact, him? He had his passport with him, his bank book, half the customers in there could have vouched for him and so on, and so on; but it’s a head office policy.

But all is not lost (apart from his card) as I have been saving up for my health insurance payment which is due in a few weeks’ time, so at least he can use that and get his much need glasses on Wednesday (as long as the machine doesn’t swallow my card). I’ll then have to find some other way around paying for my insurance while we wait for his card company to issue another card. And that’s going to be a trial I can tell, as they always ask for proof of address when issuing cards and that has to be written in English, and it’s obviously not – phone bills etc. are in Greek of course. So, we’ve started that process and meanwhile after Wednesday he should be able to see properly and we’ll be fine as long as I don’t need any hospital treatment until my insurance is renewed.

So, the message here is; if you happen to lose your card to a hungry ATM machine don’t expect to get it back. It happened to a visiting friend of ours a few years ago (at a different ATM) and he was left destitute on the day before he returned home – we lent him three shillings and sixpence so all was well there. If this banking variation of the Hungry Hippo game happens to you, do go in and report the mechanical theft but don’t bother making a fuss or causing a scene – not that Neil did, annoyed though he was – as it will do no good. There’s nothing can be done but phone your issuing bank and hope for a quick resolve.

Meanwhile, I was able to get a few snaps in the harbour while wandering around in the 40 degree heat, and here they are on the blog today. I’m off now to see what change we have down the back of the sofa so we can get some shopping, and so, as they say in Mapp & Lucia, ‘Au reservoir!’

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A taxing subject
Here’s a Rhodes story (with some photos taken very early in the season); something to make you think: ‘Rhodes tax inspector dives into sea to catch masseuse.’

That’s not a logline for a new short story or anything, it was a headline in Ekathirerini at the weekend. It seems the tax inspectors were checking workers on the beach when a Chinese masseuse saw them coming, ran into the sea and swam out 10 metres to avoid being caught and fined. The female tax inspector went after her but couldn’t arrest her in the water as that comes under the coastguard’s jurisdiction, but she was able to get the lady back to shore where, I assume, all hell broke loose. If you were wondering what the reason for the dramatic action was, well…

Apparently (and I’ve not checked this up, it’s only what I’ve heard) you can be fined up to €10,000 for working illegally in Greece and the person employing you can also be fined the same. I know people joke about how many businesses close when the tax inspectors are on an island, and you might think with good reason – but really, people should be employing others legally and doing it right, for their own good, the good of customers and of the workers of course. But it’s not always that cheap. I know that Yiannis pays Neil’s Ika contributions and wages through the bank as should be done, so he is all legal, as I was when I worked there. But obviously this masseuse wasn’t and she was probably trying to make some kind of living without having to pay the huge costs that having a small business now entails.

There have been other posts on this subject here in the past, but for certain jobs and business you can expect to pay (after start-up costs): a building rental, an annual ‘I have a business so please tax me’ tax of several hundred Euros, an accountant to do your books each month (between €80 and €150 per month or more), a certain amount of income tax in advance each year on top of your actual income tax for the previous year, our last one was €400 towards the following year, and then your 35% tax on whatever you earn (if freelance) with no allowances, there’s the VAT to charge on and hopefully get back which puts up some items to above affordable-to-buy levels, and then you pay your health insurance which was, when Neil had TEVE several years ago, starting off at around €200 per month (twice the price of my private insurance, which doesn’t cover pension of course) and then you have to pay your staff, buy your stock, pay for insurance (allegedly) and there are probably some other things too, oh yes, often there’s a payment to the local authority for space outside your business, some kind of local business tax too and any contributions for IKA (health cover) for your employees. And all that (and more expenses I’ve not thought of) is one reason there are so many small businesses closing down and so many tax-avoiding masseurs diving into the sea off Rhodes.

Have a nice day!

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Symi boat excursions
Friday was a bit of a non-event in our house, mainly due to a late night on Thursday, but a great late night. We were invited aboard the Poseidon for a birthday party involving a trip around to Agia Marina island and supper on the quayside, and what a lovely evening it was too.

There can’t be many folk who have been to Symi and not taken one of the boat trips. We now have the Poseidon and the Diagoras (the Triton and Nikolaos have not been used here for some years now) and they both do trips. You can find them in the harbour in the morning and evening where there are stands selling tickets for boat trips and taxi boats. Or you can visit one of the travel agents in Yialos and ask them about what trips are available. We have been on several in the past; around the island with stops for swimming and a barbecue lunch at Sesklia island, sometimes stopping at Panormitis as well, and also to St Emilianos for the day with swimming stops and lunch.

It was 17 years ago now that, while on holiday, we decided to take a walk to St Emilianos. It was the last day of our holiday, and Neil’s birthday. We set off and were doing really well until we took a wrong path (it’s much easier to do it now what with the maps and guide books available). We ended up off the beaten track up on the top of a hill, the wrong hill, as it turned out. It was very interesting: signs of settlements of the past, great views and so on and we could see our destination down below. The problem was, getting there. Thanks to some rock climbing experience of my youth we were able to carefully scramble down the side of a cliff to reach a bay. But it was the wrong bay.

It was a hot day, being early September, and we were running out of water. But one of those large yachts had called into this bay, Maroni, for a pit stop of some sort. It was one of those boats with waiters on it and how nice it would be, I thought, if they sent some water across or invited us on board, or even gave us a lift back. We staggered onto the beach, hopefully, but there was no lunch invitation, not even a wave. The idea then was to find the path back from St Emilianos and so we started walking around the bay to get into the next one. We came across a fisherman on the ‘beach’ by a small hut and asked if he could take us back to Yialos, but he was unable. He did tell us, however, that the boats were in at the next bay and, if we hurried, we might be able to get a lift on one of them. The pace picked up as they were due to leave in about 45 minutes. It’s not easy scrambling around a rocky bay with no path but we got there in the end, and just as the boats were weighing anchors.

We had a choice of two boats, one was rather full, the other was not so and we were invited to hitch a ride on either. We opted for the less busy one which turned out to be a private charter (I think it was the Diagoras – it was a long time ago). Nevertheless, we were made welcome, fed and watered (ouzoed) and soon the guitars were out and the singing had started. On discovering it was Neil’s birthday, people were dispatched to the depths and returned with the gift of a shell or two for him, we stopped in Maroni bay for a swim but the yacht that had been there had left nothing behind apart from a mild oil slick so we stopped elsewhere. By the time we got back to Yialos, friendships had been made and we were invited to go out with the party again the next day. Sadly, we were leaving so couldn’t. And no one wanted any money from us for the ride either.

These are the kind of people you meet on these boat trips; not the sweaty, scratched and rather desperate English couple that was us, but the lovely folk who helped us out. I expect some are reading this today, so to you we say, thank you! Maybe see you next time we stray from the path and turn being lost into a party.

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Everyone VS someone else (not what you expect to read here)

Where will it all end? A few years ago now I saw a film called ‘Alien Vs Predator’ where they took two film ideas and put the characters together, or the monsters in this case. It is a one hour 20-minute bit of fun, if you like that kind of thing, and I do. What with Batman now going mask to unmovable hair-do with Superman, I wondered what other films there were with something or someone Vs something else. I looked it up and was amazed and amused.

On the IMDB there are 127 currently listed and I won’t mention them all but some of the more interesting titles are: Wife Vs Secretary (Clarke Gable and Jean Harlow), this must be the original of the trend as it’s from 1936. In the rise of the science fiction B movie era we saw Atom Man Vs Superman (1950), and we’ve probably all heard of King Kong Vs Godzilla. Billy the Kid Vs Dracula sets the mind boggling, as does Lady Chatterley Vs Fanny Hill (1971). Meanwhile, Godzilla goes head to head with a lot of other creatures until we hit 1979 with Kramer Vs Kramer.

I wonder what Kramer Vs Godzilla would have looked like.

Moving into the next century and poor old Dracula is still Vs-ing against foes, my favourite being Killer Barbys Vs Dracula – must look out for that one. Our schlock horror guys muscle in with Freddie Vs Jason, Batman has a go at Dracula, as do Bonnie and Clyde (I am not making this up). Midgets and Mascots are there too (I don’t even want to think about it) and then things get really out of hand with the likes of Dinocroc Vs Supergator – oh Lord! Santa Clause has a battle with the Zombies in one release, as do Cockneys in one and humans in another, oh and then Strippers get involved with Zombies and later go at it with Werewolves; a common problem in some parts of the country I hear.

Ironically enough, in 2012, a film was released titled Bad Vs Worse and I couldn’t have put it better myself. There’s a rather confusing one where Alex Vs Alex, before the Zombies return and have a go at those poor little Pro Wrestlers (2014). A have to admit that I have seen Airplane Vs Volcano and pretty dreadful it was too. I’ve also seen Hansel Vs Gretel (ditto on the rate scale), but I simply must get a copy of the 2015 release, Hellen Keller Vs Nightwolves which is no doubt based on a true story. Chuck Norris VS Communism gives us all hope for the future (unless you are a Chuck Norris fan), and there’s another one from 2015 called Man Vs. – (I assume they let you fill in your own word there, Zombies probably, or Dracula, Godzilla or Lusty Cheerleaders – one title I didn’t point out earlier).

And where is this nonsense leading me? Well, away from political debate for one thing and towards the thought that, what if…? What if we took some of our favourite shows from our youth and made Vs films out of them?

Hammy the Hamster Vs Bagpuss – who would win that one? I think there probably is already a football based story called Trumpton Vs Camberwick Green (Camberwick Green won 3:1 despite Windy Miller being set off for a foul). I’d rather like to see The Woodentops Vs Pogles Wood and the Clangers Vs H.R. Pufnstuf is a must on anyone’s list.

Anyway – nothing to do with Symi of course and so today’s photographs are entirely inappropriate to the post, but I’m just in one of those moods. Normal semi-seriousness may return tomorrow. Now though, I have to go and decide what to cook for our lunch. Hmm, Chicken Vs Fish…

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Brexit, Symi, boats and books (again)
The boats are starting to thin out now as many were from Turkey, over here to celebrate the end of Ramadan. In my brief political news, there is a rising tide of opposition to the farce that was and is ‘Brexit’ and a new Facebook page has been set up for everyone living in Greece who wants to keep up to date with information, particularly considering our status as soon-to-be foreigners in Greece, or not, depending on what happens. The page is here BRIG Brits Remain In Greece, you will ned to have a Facebook account to access it of course. (I am sure views and contributions from other nationalities is also fine there.)

From what I can see it’s not a place for people to come and start fights over who is right or wrong in this on-going, coward-caused and fool-followed debacle. It is “a place where we can discuss the worries over our future in Greece. But also a place where can get together to make sure we have a voice that is listened to when negotiations begin over our future living in Greece.” There’s far too much overheated debate going on at the moment, so a more positive discussion group, like this one, is the place to check out if you have concerns and want to discuss what’s new in the potential disaster that is ‘Brexit.’ And that’s it for my political parish notices for today. On to something else.

Another book. I think it will be called something like ‘Symi, and other places’ as it’s going to be a collection of Symi tales and experience, anecdotes and observations, mixed in with other travel tales in the style of Bill Bryson (hero). I don’t mean I will be copying his style, though some people have likened me to him (blush) but in that it will be an anthology of travel moments, along the lines of ‘Notes From A Small Island’ and others. Actually it would be more akin to ‘Neither Here Nor There’ which is about his travels in Europe as most of my travel tales will be from other destinations in Europe, and maybe other places. And I am calling it ‘Symi… (something to be decided)’ as, to be honest, books with Symi in the title sell better than my other books, so hopefully that will attract custom. There will be enough Symi observations to justify it, hopefully.

That’s planned to get underway when I have finished the first draft of ‘The Saddling’ which is now up to 90,000 words and heading towards its crisis, climax and conclusion. Once that’s out of my system I will put it aside for a while, concentrate on getting ‘Remotely’ out there and then start on the new compilation.

That’s my writing news. Other recent activity has centred around spending quality time with visiting friends, mainly at the Rainbow and, on Tuesday night, at Georgio’s Taverna. I am sure many of my readers have already been there and know all about it, but if you haven’t and if you are planning a trip to Symi, it’s a must-visit place to eat. It’s all local and traditional dishes, with the barbeque on too so fresh local meat grilled just for you, there are loads of mezethe dishes (starters) and then main courses such as their famous beef in Metaxa and pork in honey. We often find it’s cheaper (and certainly a lot easier) to eat out there than it is to cook at home, the prices are good too.

So, boats, Brexit stuff, new book ideas and food, all you need in a blog post in one morning. Have a nice day y’all! As they say somewhere in the world, apparently.

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