It’s all going to kick off again soon, just you wait. To what am I referring? Handtuchkriege, of course. Otherwise known as ‘towel wars’, this is a story of a skirmish which could drastically change the face of beach behaviour as we know it. You probably read the story and thought, Oh, how ridiculous, but unfortunately, it’s true. A man has successfully sued a holiday company because he was unable to find a sunbed. He was out at dawn with his towel, hoping to bag a lounger for the day ahead, and imagine his horror when he found them all already booked by other people selfishly putting down their towels before him. ‘Outrageous!’, he cries. ‘Ich bin offended. I demand retribution!’ Which he finally got through a court in Hanover. The bloke said he had tried to beat the morgendlicher liegestuhl sprint, the ‘dawn dash’, but he was never successful, and his children had to lie on concrete. Therefore, I’ll have €986.70 compensation from the travel company who are clearly responsible for the behaviour of tourists who booked with all and any other travel companies, because this is my €7,000 holiday, and someone other than me must be responsible.
Here are a few suggestions for how this situation can be avoided, Sir.
1. If no sunbeds are available, rather than choose the hardest surface you can find for your little ones, perhaps you might suggest they lie on the sand. Even pebble beaches can be made acceptable with some bum shuffling when fitting into place.
2. If your wife and progeny are not happy with their surroundings, perhaps you might take them to somewhere with a warmer, more heated clime, such as Gaza, where they will, I am sure, find plenty of abandoned beds — and homes, livelihoods, and possibly even some children who would not complain about having to sleep on a hard surface.
3. You could, of course, always bring your own sunbed. After paying €7,000 for a trip to Kos, I am sure a little extra luggage allowance wouldn’t break the bank, and after all, people take all manner of things on holiday with them these days. Holidaymakers pour from airports carrying lengths of rubber tubing for some nefarious reason, while others travel with entire sets of sports equipment: skateboards, skis, rugby posts… Why, you could even buy your personal sun lounger its own seat on a plane. These days, you could probably marry it.
And so it could go on, and probably will. Not only will the floodgates of American-style ridiculous litigation now be open, but, in Greece, the sensible parts of the government are restricting the number of beaches where the ancient teaching of ‘put down thy bed and veg out’ can be utilised. This is to keep in check with their Natura 2000 policy. “As of April 2026, Greece has expanded its “untrodden beaches” list to 251 locations within Natura 2000 protected areas, where sunbeds, umbrellas, and commercial activities are prohibited.”
I can’t wait to hear from visitors who’ve set off at dawn to walk to a distant beach only to find a midnight Handtuchkriege raid has taken place. Every one of the 2,000 sunbeds crammed side by side is taken, leaving little room to breathe, and offering every chance of spreading a new virus and/or bad feeling because the person beside you has brought their children — how dare they! — and those children are flatly refusing to spend their holiday on concrete. The same visitor will return earlier the next day to find the government have ordered all but six of the things off the beach because a) the beach business had greedily overstocked, b) that’s what the national law says for this ancient place, and c) they would have taken the last six, too, but the towels were stapled to the sunbed.
Honestly. I don’t know. Mutter, mutter, ‘Not like it was in my day,’ common sense has left the station…
